Cleanpairofshorts podcast – Episode 9 – The Snickers Wager

Posted on October 2, 2013 by russgriffiths

And as if by magic, the brand spanking new episode of the cleanpairofshorts podcast appears. This week is bumper hour long (almost) episode where the gang chat about the Premier Leagues comings and goings and give predictions for game week 7. There’s also a new feature where the gang pick their not very nice person of the week. Towards the end they get a bit over tired and start getting a bit carried away, silly boys.

Listen on iTunes:

https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/cleanpairofshorts-premier/id693820640?mt=2

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Gareth Bales on us

Posted on September 26, 2013 by russgriffiths

stuartnoel's avatarThe Ball is Round

It’s not often you get the opportunity to travel from one end of the footballing spectrum to another in just a few hours.  But today was one of those days.  After the highs of Lewes’s win at Wingate & Finchley yesterday it was a rude awaking at 3am for the trip to Madrid, on the first flight out of Terminal 5 at Heathrow airport.  So early was the departure that I had the BA lounge to myself for a good 15 minutes.  Still no Marmite though, but that is another story.  As the plane hugged the Atlantic coast of France I looked back on my previous trips to the Spanish capital, each memorable for different reasons.

9893199025_1e372f1884_b (2)In 1998, the Current Mrs Fuller and I made our first ever trip to Madrid on Debonair.  Remember them?  They flew from London Luton and went head to head with Easyjet for a number…

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Cleanpairofshorts podcast – Episode 8 – Its called Modern Football

Posted on September 25, 2013 by russgriffiths

We’re back! And exactly the same as ever. The gang chat about the weekends action and give our predictions for game week 6 in the Premier League. We also pick our highlights of the week and insult Irish people. What more could you want from 45 minutes of football waffle. Enjoy!

Listen on iTunes:

https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/cleanpairofshorts-premier/id693820640?mt=2

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Cleanpairofshorts podcast – Episode 7 – Never go back to ex girlfriends

Posted on September 18, 2013 by russgriffiths

This week the gang are let out of the studio and are recording live from the cleanpairofshorts office. If you listen carefully you might just be able to guess where it is. The chaps discuss the weekends Premier League action as well as giving their predictions for game week 5. In a new feature, the gang also pick their players and goals of the week. And not a single mention of Jamie Carragher.

Open up your earholes and pour us in from iTunes

https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/cleanpairofshorts-premier/id693820640?mt=2

 

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Cleanpairofshorts podcast – Episode 6 – Walking with Dinoaurs

Posted on September 11, 2013 by russgriffiths

Rejoice! Episode 6 of the Cleanpairofshorts podcast is here. This week Lee, Ollie and Russ talk England, game week 4 predictions, wounded Dinosaurs, & buxom women. What’s not to like? Have a listen in your ear holes

on iTunes

https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/cleanpairofshorts-premier/id693820640

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He’s onside you C@*t!!!’

Posted on September 11, 2013 by russgriffiths

Technology and football, this marriage is becoming increasingly Aladdin and Jasmine with the recent introduction of goal line technology in top flight football.

The jury has always been out for the use of technology in football, my fellow pundit Russell is adamantly against its use, saying it further expands the canyon between the professional game and grass roots. However, this much deliberated subject gained support from queen and country with the franky lamps ‘ghost goal’ incident during the 2010 world cup, people seem to forgot that we lost 4-1, but if that goal was awarded WE WOULD OF DEFINITELY WON THE WORLD CUP.

The use of technology in sport isn’t a new thing, if you don’t live under a metaphorical rock you’ll know that cricket has adopted several technological assisted methods in its decision making processes; these include ‘hotspot’ to gauge whether the ball has made contact with the bat, ‘Snicko’ which records sound levels to measure bat-ball contact and ‘hawk-eye’ to view the trajectory of the ball in lbw situations. Additionally the rugby refs can ‘go upstairs’, not too smash sluts, but too consult their mate in a dark room as to whether a misdemeanour has occurred in either the grounding of the ball or in a new introduction at the start of last season, if wrong doing has occurred in the phases of play building up to the try.

After years of deliberation, Sony owned ‘Hawk-Eye’ made its debut during last month’s community shield encounter between Manchester united and Wigan, the system remained unused as a blind man with no dick could see RVP’s header nestle in the back of the net. The first usage of goal line technology occurred during the opening weekend of the EPL season; Hull goalkeeper Alan McGregor clawed the ball away from the goal mouth, this previously likely contentious decision was resolved within seconds with the assistance of ‘Hawk Eye’, No Goal.
The use of Hawk Eye has clearly enabled officials to make the correct decision on whether the ball has crossed the line 100% of the time as opposed to the previous state of affairs, which were largely ‘educated guesses’ as the human eye can sometimes tell porkies when witnessing incidents from a considerable distance, I once thought I saw a dragon.

Consider this, wouldn’t it be appropriate for football to follow the likes of rugby and cricket and take a more technologically assisted approach to more of the decisions in the game? How about we use it to assist referees and linesmen when calling offsides, the rule of football that has baffled women for decades. But hey! I’m just a mere Cornish pixie, why should you listen to my opinion, the new FA big dick, Greg Lesbian has described the increased use of technology as a “no-brainer” and that referees should be permitted to defer to video replays for penalty and offside decisions.

How would it work? A player is offside when a part of his body that he can score with is ahead of the defender, basically his head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes, and if you’re Mario Balotelli, eyes and ears and mouth and nose. Similarly to goal line technology, this could be quickly analysed by a series of cameras positioned around the stadium and a decision could be sent within seconds to the officials. Hawk-Eye is already conducting trials in the Netherlands to see if its cameras could send almost instant messages to the referee for offside decisions.

So there we have it, we should bring football up to date with its brutish cousin rugby and employ additional technology to get the key decisions correct, leading to a world where the better team wins and not one where an incorrect decision decides who gets the three points.
OW

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Ozil Over The Cracks

Posted on September 8, 2013 by russgriffiths

The signing of Mesut Ozil by Arsenal is undoubtably a coup. The German international was a creative hub for a Real Madrid team already brimming with talent and flair, and with the highest number of assists in any of the ‘big leagues’ last year, the Gunners have got themselves one of the most inventive and influential attacking midfielders in Europe. At the 2009 under 21 European championship final Ozil single handedly destroyed a bouyant England team and drove the German side to a 4-0 victory. From there he made the step up to the national first team, and had an impressive 2010 world cup, and this is when European football really started to sit up and take note. A move from Werder Breman to Real Madrid followed and at every step in the Turkish-Germans career so far he has proved he is more than worthy, and has now established himself in World Football. But, 40 plus million for an established world class talent isn’t really an Arsene Wenger typical signing, so why has Ozil ended up at the Emirates? Whispers from Spain suggested Ozil’s departure from Madrid wasn’t entirely amicable. Suggestions a portion of the money outlayed on Gareth Bale needed to be recouped and Ozil was far more marketable as a potentioanl sale than Di Maria or Coentrao, where suitable offers never materialised. Reluctantly ushered to the door by Ancelotti to Arsene’s open arms may have been the only way to guarantee first team football for the playmaker. And in a world cup year that guarantee cannot be understated.

So Mesut’s Arsenal adventure begins, and the consensus of opinion implies he will no doubt improve the Gunners team, but was he really necessary? In terms of forward thinking midfielders, Arsenal already possess a glut of talent. Cazorla, Arteta, Wiltshire, Podolski and Walcott are some the Premier Leagues leading lights, and although you could argue Ozil is a better player than any of those, its not really a position that Wenger needed to reinforce. With only three recognised centre backs defensive cover needed to be bussed in. Meretsaker and Koscielny have formed a relatively solid partnership in recent months but club captain Vermaelen has been patchy in form and with the likes of Demichelis and Sakho moving clubs this summer, Arsenal fans may feel justifiably frustrated this hasn’t been addressed. Also desperately light up front with only, the much improved, Giroud and, the disappointingly unimproved, Bendtner, a striker would have been a more pragmatic signing. Suarez was linked with the north London club but cheeky one up man ship saw the deal collapse before it began. Also having missed out on Higuain earlier in the window, the extra outlay required to seal the Argentinians signature would have still left them with ample change in comparison to the cost of the Ozil deal. All missed opportunities. And this is why the signing of the playmaker has a hint of desperation surrounding it. Pressure from the fans and the media in general intensified after an unexpected home defeat to Aston Villa on the opening day of the season. The signing of Flamini, albeit a needed addition of fight to the midfield, did little to quell the desire of supporters. The club had been vocal in insisting finance was there to bring in world class players and fans now wanted this money to be spent. In steps Ozil and everyone rejoices.

But questions still remain. Can Arsenal keep enough clean sheets to seriously compete for the title? They now have the player to create enough chances, can Giroud alone convert enough of them? As a neutral it will be a joy to see Ozil in the Premier league. Whether he is enough to lift the Gunners above the forth place battle remains to be seen. In Arsene we trust?

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Cleanpairofshorts Podcast – Episode 5 – Hamza Benchrif

Posted on September 5, 2013 by russgriffiths

Holy Batman on a bike, if it isn’t Episode 5 of the Cleanpairofshorts Podcast already. This week we have a first team debut from Sean Jennings and the gang chat about the Premier League action, the up coming internationals, and all the deadline day drama. We also give Jamie Carragher a week off.

listen on iTunes

https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/cleanpairofshorts-premier/id693820640?mt=2

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Pre-Season Friendlies – Fitness or Form?

Posted on September 5, 2013 by russgriffiths

With the Pre-Season a distant memory and the league now in full flow, how have those long trips over international waters to places like the US and Asia aided in your teams preparation for the season?
For the most part it’s a huge PR stunt to pull in revenue from sections of the planet that don’t get to enjoy seeing their idols on a regular basis, But also its about getting players into shape for the season…
Or is it?
Being a Manchester United supporter our tour around Asia, Australia and finishing in Sweden resulted in a few defeats, not normally expected against teams that are probably at league 1 standard, (No disrespect, my opinion) I know these teams are half-way or part-way through their league programs and have more minutes on the pitch than the British clubs but you expect comfortable wins or at least victory, this leads on to the point of the blog, do you see this PR excursion as a way to get players in to shape and build their fitness up? or is it about getting results, building confidence? As they say winning breeds confidence!
Today’s footballer is incredibly fit, a highly tuned athlete who’s job is to train a couple of times a week then play 1 or 2 games a week, so really fitness should come naturally, for me its about getting that confidence going, getting that striker scoring goals, the defence getting in tune with each other so they are all singing from the same hymn sheet come August!
So Fitness or Form? I say Form.. but that’s me.
LP

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City have got pot three to piss in!

Posted on September 3, 2013 by russgriffiths

The recent annual champions league draw saw Europe’s top clubs smashed together in groups of four in a melee of glitz and glamour, igniting football fans eager anticipation of the worlds (and probably the universes, as extra-terrestrial life, as of yet, has not been discovered) premier club competition.

Last season’s European club player of the year was also decided; clearly voted for by the mentally ill and cognitively challenged as Franck Ribéry beat off competition from two players with significantly better footballing ability in Ronaldo and 653 goal a season Messi. Scar hasn’t been that happy since Mufasa was thrown into all those wildebeest that were kicking off.

Anyways, I digress, the issues that are going to be addressed today is a brief explanation as to why the Arabs favourite club Manchester city are in pot 3 and short arms, deep pockets crisis club Arsenal are seeded in pot 1 (pre Ozil). In addition analysing whether or not the seeding process is outdated and flawed.

During the previous five years of European competitions (both champions’ league and Europa league), clubs competing earn ‘coefficient points’ in the following format:

UEFA Champions League points system
First qualifying round elimination – 0.5 points
Second qualifying round elimination – 1 point
Group stage
Participation – 4 points
Group stage wins – 2 points
Group stage draw – 1 point
Round of 16
Participation – 4 points
Every extra round – 1 point
Knockout stage wins – 2 points
Knockout stage draw – 1 point

UEFA Europa League points system
First qualifying round elimination – 0.25 points
Second qualifying round elimination – 0.5 points
Third qualifying round elimination – 1 point
Play-off elimination – 1.5 points
Group stage
Group stage wins – 2 points
Group stage draw – 1 point
Knockout
​Per round – 1 point

Clubs’ coefficients are determined by the sum of all points won in the previous five seasons, plus 20% of the national association coefficient over the same period, for example this benefits the likes of Barcelona, Manchester United and Bayern Munich as Spain, England and Germany are the top three country coefficients. However this hampers Celtic with Scotland lying in 24th position (largely attributed to rangers’ demise) and Ajax with the Netherlands 9th in the rankings.

There are currently 450 European teams ranked in UEFA’s club coefficients, I will crash the internet if I list the all so here are the key ones:

1st – Barcelona (157.605 points)
2nd – Munich (146.922)
3rd – Chelsea (137.592)
4th – Madrid (136.605)
5th – Man Utd (130.592)
6th – Arsenal (113.592)
22nd – Man City (70.592)
24th – Spurs (69.592)
31st – Dortmund (61.922)
50th – Fulham (45.592)
62nd – Celtic (37.538)
76th – Aston Villa (27.592)
91st – Portsmouth (22.592)

Full list can be seen at – http://www.uefa.com/memberassociations/uefarankings/club/index.html

Now then, if you’re not a vampire, five years is a long time, 2008 saw horse face Leona Lewis bleed love all over the floor, a Scottish pie man was prime minister of Great Britain and I was still relatively inexperienced in bed (not to worry ladies, that’s not the case anymore!).

Much like real life, five years is an eternity in football, Portsmouth finished 8th in the premier league (now in league two… just) and Frank Lampard still had a decent hairline, wouldn’t it be more appropriate and more importantly accurate (and possibly fairer?) if the coefficient rankings were based on the last three years, eliminating a fluke couple of seasons (Liverpool in 2005 & 2006) and also not allowing clubs to ride on historical success, for example during 08/09 Shakhtar Donetsk received the most coefficient points in Europe, this has enabled them to maintain 13th position in the rankings to the modern day, when in reality their just a dodgy Ukrainian club.

Finally why clubs should be helped or hindered by their peers’ performances in European competition due to their countys coefficient? A constant grievance for the likes of Celtic, Ajax and Zenit St Petersburg but a relative insignificance for regular latter stage-ers (made up word) Barca, Munich and Chelsea.

S’il vous plaît assurez-ce mieux Michel Platini vous grenouille bâtard

OW

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