He’s onside you C@*t!!!’

Technology and football, this marriage is becoming increasingly Aladdin and Jasmine with the recent introduction of goal line technology in top flight football.

The jury has always been out for the use of technology in football, my fellow pundit Russell is adamantly against its use, saying it further expands the canyon between the professional game and grass roots. However, this much deliberated subject gained support from queen and country with the franky lamps ‘ghost goal’ incident during the 2010 world cup, people seem to forgot that we lost 4-1, but if that goal was awarded WE WOULD OF DEFINITELY WON THE WORLD CUP.

The use of technology in sport isn’t a new thing, if you don’t live under a metaphorical rock you’ll know that cricket has adopted several technological assisted methods in its decision making processes; these include ‘hotspot’ to gauge whether the ball has made contact with the bat, ‘Snicko’ which records sound levels to measure bat-ball contact and ‘hawk-eye’ to view the trajectory of the ball in lbw situations. Additionally the rugby refs can ‘go upstairs’, not too smash sluts, but too consult their mate in a dark room as to whether a misdemeanour has occurred in either the grounding of the ball or in a new introduction at the start of last season, if wrong doing has occurred in the phases of play building up to the try.

After years of deliberation, Sony owned ‘Hawk-Eye’ made its debut during last month’s community shield encounter between Manchester united and Wigan, the system remained unused as a blind man with no dick could see RVP’s header nestle in the back of the net. The first usage of goal line technology occurred during the opening weekend of the EPL season; Hull goalkeeper Alan McGregor clawed the ball away from the goal mouth, this previously likely contentious decision was resolved within seconds with the assistance of ‘Hawk Eye’, No Goal.
The use of Hawk Eye has clearly enabled officials to make the correct decision on whether the ball has crossed the line 100% of the time as opposed to the previous state of affairs, which were largely ‘educated guesses’ as the human eye can sometimes tell porkies when witnessing incidents from a considerable distance, I once thought I saw a dragon.

Consider this, wouldn’t it be appropriate for football to follow the likes of rugby and cricket and take a more technologically assisted approach to more of the decisions in the game? How about we use it to assist referees and linesmen when calling offsides, the rule of football that has baffled women for decades. But hey! I’m just a mere Cornish pixie, why should you listen to my opinion, the new FA big dick, Greg Lesbian has described the increased use of technology as a “no-brainer” and that referees should be permitted to defer to video replays for penalty and offside decisions.

How would it work? A player is offside when a part of his body that he can score with is ahead of the defender, basically his head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes, and if you’re Mario Balotelli, eyes and ears and mouth and nose. Similarly to goal line technology, this could be quickly analysed by a series of cameras positioned around the stadium and a decision could be sent within seconds to the officials. Hawk-Eye is already conducting trials in the Netherlands to see if its cameras could send almost instant messages to the referee for offside decisions.

So there we have it, we should bring football up to date with its brutish cousin rugby and employ additional technology to get the key decisions correct, leading to a world where the better team wins and not one where an incorrect decision decides who gets the three points.

This entry was posted in Opinion and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to He’s onside you C@*t!!!’


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s