Ollie takes the helm this week as the gang digest the Premier Leagues opening weekend. We have the weekend’s results, Ollie’s transfer round up, predictions and the world famous Partchy report covers the dreaded drop. More Premier League goodness than you can shake a can of vanishing spray at.
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Every week CPOS bring you lessons learnt from the weekends Premier League action. This week, the opening weekend:
1. The Premier League is still good.
Its back. The Bloody Premier League. We can argue whether the Premier League is the best/biggest/richest/most entertaining league in the world all day but we’ll never really know. I don’t believe there are any metrics to determine the best anything, but what we do know is that it’s the most competitive it’s been for years. Five teams with a realistic chance of winning the title, and any 3 from about 10 to face the dreaded drop. What this all means is excitement will ensue, and as Van Gaal discovered this weekend, there are no easy games in the Premier League.
2. Don’t /do let fans take free kicks.
A generic looking football fan fulfilled his dreams by taking a free kick at Upton Park. Against his own team. In the middle of the game. When he wasn’t supposed too. As comical as it was, it’s unfortunate that his effort was a little comical too. Good dip, good placement, but it was never really going to trouble Adrian who saved comfortably. Was it all really worth the impending ban from all football matches that’s inevitably heading his way? Probably yes, because it was quite funny, and it is was still better than Eriksen’s following effort.
3. Vanishing spray is fun.
Unless you‘re Santi Cazorla. The implementation of Vanishing spray has been met with universal celebration from football fans at grounds up and down the country. On each occasion cheers of ironic joy have rung around the stadium. Yet ref’s have still managed to make something very simple seem incredibly difficult struggling to deploy a standard aerosol canister. The FA needs to roll out in depth training to all match officials immediately.
4. Tony Pulis does not give a F*ck
48 hours before the big kick off and Pulis bolt’s on Palace after tensions between him and Crystal Palace owner Steve Parish came to head. Reportedly over the amount of control Pulis had over football matters at the club. Despite the pre- season work, the cushy London job, and Premier League employment big Tony thought ‘sod this for a game of soldiers’ and left poor Palace rudder less for the start of the new campaign. Credit to the Eagles for giving Arsenal a run for their money on Saturday but expect to see Pulis in charge of a bottom 4 club by January.
5. Stadiums should have roofs on.
Poor old Ashley Young. Not only has he bore the brunt of the United fans wrath, but now he has suffered the indignity of avian defecation in his mouth. On live television. Whether this was actual bird poo, or a dirty protest against Young’s selection from the fellas with the Moyes out plane from last season, remains to be seen. Either way, roofed stadia will deny any ass to mouth incidents moving forward as well as limit publicity to future aerial protests.
RG
The Premier League is back! and so are we! Just in time for the start of the Premier League season. Here we go again with all your favourite sections and added tomfoolery, and this season we will be posting every Thursday* so stick it in your diaries. This week we have the Community Shield, Ollie’s transfer round up, plus season predictions, and to keep with tradition, this episode starts well and soon descends into chaos, including Ollie getting the boys out the barracks. Sit back, relax, and enjoy. have some cleanpairofshorts in your ears once again.
*(not contractually binding)
As of this morning Manchester United have completed the majority of their preseason campaign under the tutelage of new Dutch boss Louis Van Gaal (referred to in this masterpiece as ‘LVG’ or ‘King Louis’) with only a homecoming tie against the 2nd best white shirted team in La Liga to come. Preseason is always viewed by fans with the same scrutiny every year with the overshadowing argument of ‘fitness or form’; bar Luke Shaw (who was just getting pissed in #marbs with yours truly) MUFC appear to have achieved both so called objectives of a pre cum season. A comfortable win against that team Beckham used to play for in addition to victories versus Inter, Roma and European champion mega spend spend Real Madrid. The real bread and butter acid test came last night against the old enemy Liverpool who were also dispatched with apparent ease.
All good then, Manchester United are going to win the treble again and Sir Alex can finally join Obi One and Yoda.
However there appears to be a slight concern in the eyes of the more astute and handsome United fans around, and that is what lies in front of our GK. Silly penalties have been conceded in numerous games in addition to other decisions that went MUFCs way in the 18 yard box and could been given to our detriment on a more competitive Plateau.
With the loss of Rio and Serbian Slayer (made that up) from the heart of defence, the team is crying out for a world class center back. If there’s one thing I hate (there are several things I hate) its paper talk (twitter gossip included), the constant drivel of every player in the world linked with every club in the world (Aston Villa excluded) from papers and twit feeds of which lack infinite verifiability as the reporter’s privilege compendium states that journalists don’t have to reveal their sources. These ‘sources’ are just as likely to be contrived from a dream a journo had which included a Dragon as appose to a source from within a board room.
Manchester united need to bring in top quality defenders if they are going to amount any sort of challenge on the holy grail that is the top four, especially since ‘King Louis’ seems partial to the very Napoliesk (made up word) 3-5-2 formation, midfield options now look substantial with the addition of young Spanish CM Herrera and the return of Scottish great Darren Mc’Fletcher to play in the middle of the park, with Mata, Kags and Rooney pulling the strings further forward.
Watch this Space.
OW
Very few players deserve to be pinned with the accolade of legend. Even fewer of these are fullbacks. Philipp Lahm is undoubtably one of the few.
With the announcement of his retirement from the German national side, at the relatively infantile age of 30, a pint sized hole will be left in international football that may never be filled.
His debut tournament at Euro 2004 in Portugal didn’t particularly unveil the exceptional international career that was to come. Germany failed to get out of the group stages but his performances were noted as glimmer of light in the bleakness of the German national team. The poor showing at Portugal 2004 was a contributory catalyst to the revamp of the national setup that bore fruits spectacularly this year.
Since those dark times Germany have built a distinctly respectable CV. Semifinalists at World Cup 2006, runners up at Euro 2008, semifinalists at World Cup 2010, Semifinalists at euro 2012, and finally, the cherry on top at Brazil 2014. Captain Lahm lifted the FIFA World Cup trophy to end an enviable international career.
Bearing the hallmarks of lazy German stereotypes Lahm’s football is efficient, precise and unwavering. Deceptively quick, a leader and an organiser with a cool head. Lahm is the epitome of a modern fullback with the added advantage of being able to defend. Giving Germany width in attack, it’s surprising how good his defensive positioning is. Baresi & Beckenbauer would be proud. As comfortable shutting down an opposition attack as picking the telling pass from the opposition byline, he’s more than the complete fullback, he’s the complete footballer.
Under Guardiola at Bayern, Philipp has been moved from defensive flank to the base of midfield. This genius reinvention of such a gifted player has elevated his stock even further. Pep has given Lahm not only the chance to demonstrate his aforementioned qualities from the centre of the park, but also highlight his passing abilities. Far more than a defensive midfielder breaking up play, Lahm is used as pivot between defence and attack. The focal for transition periods between phases of play. In typical style he plays this role efficiently and with pace. The axis to how Bayern can counter attack so quickly and precisely. A majestic footballer.
It’s true that the Bayern midfield position hadn’t translated as well to the German National team, but when you can play another position nigh on perfectly, it’s no great shakes.
The German side now has to come to terms to life without Lahm. As devastating and as blessed with talent as they are in attack, a back four without Philipp is not a back four to be feared. The Germans still have quality throughout there squad but once there defence was sturdy, was reliable, was threatening. Not anymore, not without a legend.
RG
That’s it. It’s all over. And what a fantastic World Cup it was. Lee, Ollie and Russ get down to brass tacks to look back at the last few games, which saw Germany crowned as world champions, in our last World Cup special. We’re going to have a well earned break for a few weeks but don’t worry, we’ll be back for the start of the Premier League season.
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In our third World Cup Podcast Lee & Russ look back at the second round and look forward to the Quarter finals, all recorded outdoors from our secret training facilities in Prague. Lee champions the brilliance of the individual while Russ maintains system is everything. And refers to himself in the third person. Silly boy. The World Cup is Brilliant. Have some more of it!
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Like a cheap firework England’s World Cup started with promise, climaxed in disappointment, and fizzled out in whimpering regret.
The draw against group topping Costa Rica was not only thoroughly underwhelming, but also incredibly boring. A much changed England unable to find a rhythm against the already qualified Costa Ricans, who were clearly focused on the next round. The game spluttered and farted along for ninety minutes without anything of real note occurring. And then the tournament was over.
It’s been England’s worst showing at a World Cup since nineteen fifty whatever, and the first time they’ve not won a group game since blah-de-blah-de-blah… In isolation, this tournament was an abject failure, but it was never meant to be taken in isolation. These were the first steps in in a marathon with failure being largely irrelevant.
What England have achieved is a new beginning. Shaking off the shackles of four four two, and leaving behind a generation of international underachievers in Ferdinand, Terry and Cole et al. They’ve begun the foundations of a new national team and blooded young, hungry attacking players of our future.
The changes that Hodgeson has made to the national squad can be easily missed at first glance but these are the changes that will have the biggest impact further down the line. When his tenure ends after the 2016 Euros a suitably groomed Gary Neville can take the reigns to continue the nurturing that has begun at this World Cup. An eight to twelve year period where, with consistency and stability, a philosophy can be built.
It’s clear there is work to be done. Defensively lacking and occasionally blunt in attack, now, with impressionable, mouldable younger players, systems can begin to be cultured, England can learn to defend as a team, and an ethos can be instilled for future England players to adopt and seamlessly gel with.
I may be overly optimistic in this viewpoint. For all this to come to fruition the FA need to have the want and wherewithal to follow through on promises of youth development and coaching. Both are desperately needed in quality and quantity and for my utopian future of an England with a footballing identity it is essential. The FA also need to have the plums to be patient and proactive. Not reactionary.
My naive idealism may come back to bite me on four years time when England spectacularly flop yet again. But like Mulder and Scully I want to believe. It is possible for England to be successful again.
RG
Hello. It’s our second World Cup Special where we look back at the second round of fixtures in the group stage. England’s exit is heavily dissected while we songs of praise are hummed for Chile and France, and we all agree the World Cup is bloody brilliant. Have some more of it in your lug holes here:
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And we all come crashing back to reality with a thump. After a rousing, encouraging 2-1 defeat for England against Italy, the score line was replicated against Uruguay in a far more sobering fashion.
The gusto and enthusiasm of the first group game had been replaced with a nervous tension, which in turn lead to sloppiness and poor descisions. Particularly in the final attacking third.
Sterling had far less of an impact on the game and there was no real link up play between the previously potent Sterling, Sturridge and Welbeck.
Rooney had another solid performance and finally broke the World Cup voodoo hanging over him
with his equaliser in the second half. But the front four never really showed enough to really trouble the Uruguay goal. The fluidity and pace of the group opener was gone and the first 60 minutes was a reminder of the muted England we all know and love.
A lot of this was due to a decent Uruguay who were set up well. They pressed with tempo in there own half and this forced England into numerous errors and sloppy play. Uruguay never let England find a rhythm until late on the game.
Instead of trying to draw a high tempo defence and make runs in behind, England seemed to labour at working a way through. Often looking to the flanks for balls into the box but the delivery was never up to standard. An the longer the game progressed, the sense of inevitability grew.
Rooney’s goal did bring a glimmer of optimism but sticking to the script, Suarez put us firmly back in our place.
Despite the defeat and the now inevitable exit form the tournament, there are still positives to taken from Hodgeson’s England. The introduction of new blood in the squad and moving away from two banks of four are all steps in the right direction and are all thanks to Hodgeson. I’ve been openly critical of him but pleased that, despite the apparent failure of the tournament, he’s proving me wrong and steering the national side in a positive direction.
We can only hope now that knee jerk reactions are quelled and he’s given more time to turn England into a team with an identity. Only then will we see real success.
RG
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