On the back of a disappointing visit to Podgorica, questions are being asked of Hodgson’s boys, and the literal ‘game of two halves’.

A first half stroll in the park turned to pushing a boulder uphill in the second, but what went wrong?

A post game presser left some telling nuggets for all associated with England to sink there teeth into. Milner on responding to the question had this to offer, ‘The lads were prepared before the game. We knew what we had to do, and we’re all professionals, so we ready for the game mentally. After it kicked off we went about our business and were doing our job. but as the game went more of the lads started to notice, and the more time passed the more distracted I think we all become.’

Gerrard, trying to defuse the situation chipped in with, ‘Look, erm, we’ve all seen him at Juve and we know he’s a good looking bloke… erm, but… erm, seeming him in the flesh… and with the beard… erm, some of the younger lads just didnt know how to react to that.’

Milner tripping over Gerrards diplomacy butted in with, ‘Vucinic is just so good looking. I didnt know what to do. I just kept on thinking about kissing him.’

Gerrard then added, ‘At half time we just had to regain our focus. erm, but in the dressing room it went from bad to worse. Chris and Joleon nearly came to blows arguing who was gonna mark him. erm, and when we went on for the second half… erm, I think everyones head and gone. Erm, to be fair though, he is fit.’

After, Roy Hodgson was cornered and asked about his England players homoerotic fixation with the Juventus forward. He coutered with, ‘We’re all proffessionals and understand whats expected of us. Unfortunately we didnt have the foresight to prepare for the physical beauty of an opponant. And it left some of our players shellshocked, distracted or just arroused. Its some thing we are going to have to look at in the future if we want to get to Brazil.’

With this fresh insight many have now draw the conculsion that Vucinic could be the reason Ferdinand pulled out of his England call up. An unamed source leaked, ‘Rio got wind of Mirko’s beard. After that, there was no way he was getting on that plane.’

Journalists tried to push Mirko Vucinic for a comment after these reveleations were revealed, but all he had to offer was ‘Fuck off!’